like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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