I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
