I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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