I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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