you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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