my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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