There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize