Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
