69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize