There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
