The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
