Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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