Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
