I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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