Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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