You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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