my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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