I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize