3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
