Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
