When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize