Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
the raccoons are back...
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