Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
