I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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