Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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