You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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