Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
