I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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