It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
