i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize