He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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