omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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