Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
