Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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