come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
