Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
