Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
