the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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