Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
