you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
