He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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