FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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