Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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