'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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