I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
