i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
