If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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