so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You made out with two different species that night
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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