I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
