I molested 6 butterflies tonight
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
