TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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