pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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