i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
