pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
