If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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