Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
