jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
