I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize