I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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