man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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