I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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