my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize