Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
