I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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