o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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