my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize