I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
