Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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