oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
