pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
