Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
