i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
