I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
