That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
