i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
