i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
