Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
