your parents love me but you hate me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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