I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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