Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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