So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
