i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
