I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
