Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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