Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
