You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
