At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize