Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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