I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
