im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
