she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
