I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize