Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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