I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize