just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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