I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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