If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
