I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
