I accidentally burped into my bong.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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